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Paradigm — realizing the caps lock is on

Ignoring any shifts

Gripping a pen and lunging at paper leaves me unable to find the words over and over again.

I feel the chills of nostalgia escaping through my spine.

Does the comedian or the musician or the dancer continue to perform on stage after the curtain has rolled? Does the writer continue the book that won’t be published?

Maybe they should, for the sake of what is created.

You learn to lead from your father
But you blamed yourself when he walked off
Sometimes you hold your child like the last one
Then you find yourself trying to stay gone

Rage is a game for the lonely
Love is the mercy we need

It’s better than walkin’ away
It’s better than walkin’ away
Sometimes it’s harder to stay
Than walkin’ away from it all

Holding hands at the table
A kiss goodnight with the light on
Sunrise, words and a coffee
You miss it all just to feel free

Fear is a thief to the family
Brave is the one on his knees

It’s better than walkin’ away
It’s better than walkin’ away
Love is the price that we pay
Walkin’ away from it all

Rage is a game for the lonely
War is a front for our greed
Love makes a way but it only
Heals when we stay while we bleed

It’s better than walkin’ away
It’s better than walkin’ away
So many reasons to stay
So walk in and wait, for it all

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A faint blue light that night drifted through the window of the child’s room. It sparked his interest, reminding him of something he hadn’t seen in a long time. Tip toeing out of bed, through the hall across the soft carpet, down the silent stairs, to the wooden floor that approached the front door, the child anxiously peered again at the soft blue light, and smiled because he remembered what would come to pass. Out the door his feet against the cool concrete, this time setting out on a summer night, with adventure brimming in his mind. Yet something was queer… and he rubbed his eyes and realized the light was gone, and alone and dumbfounded he stood in the street. Not tonight. Yet the spark of adventure still thrived within him, waiting for the right moment. In another time and place a lad strolled along a field in a valley he once knew quite well. He’s got important matters to attend to most of the time, a future ahead of him. Yet something drew him to this place on this crisp autumn day. The sky wasn’t always so cloudy and the grass wasn’t always so stiff, he starts to remember. The sun used to light up the whole valley side and warm him as he danced, not alone, along the sea of green, and the memory awakens in him a youthly vigor and excitement. Not too far gone yet, the lad still lives in simple times. To an unfortunate fate our attention can be cast. Shipwrecked. Two brothers commandeered two seperate vessels, both exploring yet neither agreeing on which water to travel. The one brother took the river, as it had beautiful scenery along the bank and he knew the river as a youth. The other brother warned the river was too shallow. This brother chose to take the open sea, with it’s proclaimed adventures and uncertainty. The first brother warned the sea was dangerous and the waters deep. Neither body of water proved safe, and both ventures resulted in shipwrecks. Yet they were both alright and chuckled, for there lay something special in the moon.

Using cash instead of my imagination perhaps, the change sits in my pocket yet it exists and may be actually a good thing. In my peripheral the heavens may be collapsing and falling to the earth, but I won’t be reaching for my phone. How beautiful.

I suppose at this time… a sort of tribute, respect in a way, or maybe simply just the pure sense of recollection, of I to he of some time ago, who certainly existed and thrived.

Yet in a way a sort of toast, to a future. Words do not flow as easily as once before, especially in the scratched words on loose-leaf sheets of paper. My thoughts beaten and forced into a structure to be sold,

..so can I abandon form and rules and partake on a journey through……. through what? Mind?

There will be nothing on my sleeves

Depths,
In the sense of mindset, surely to be avoided

as well in the sense of something unexpected, involving so many, yet few. Too far? Yes, I shouldn’t have company inside my head.

I’m tired of strands teasing me and reminding me that I am alone. I hate the hundreds of them, endless.

Or no longer, they see California skies, and I don’t which it comes down to, in a small respect, not really though in all honesty. I’ll stay away from that phone nonetheless.

I forgot most of my Spanish, and a whole lot more forgetting would do me good

I love music that drips with emotion, crafted by talented musicians. Happiness, sadness, anger, love; all of it is beautiful

The sky îs moving sideways right now I know it cause it’s late and that’s what it does when everything else changes the moon is in on the games too and so is the tide, I know it, and even when I can’t tell what’s true and what’s a lie or harm but I HEAR it which is confusing cause then maybe it’s me but I think myself is a good place to trust because

My uncle has a country place
That no one knows about.
He says it used to be a farm,
Before the Motor Law.
And on Sundays I elude the Eyes,
And hop the Turbine Freight
To far outside the Wire,
Where my white-haired uncle waits.

Jump to the ground
As the Turbo slows to cross the Borderline.
Run like the wind,
As excitement shivers up and down my spine.
Down in his barn,
My uncle preserved for me an old machine,
For fifty-odd years.
To keep it as new has been his dearest dream.

I strip away the old debris
That hides a shining car.
A brilliant red Barchetta
From a better, vanished time.
I fire up the willing engine,
Responding with a roar.
Tires spitting gravel,
I commit my weekly crime…

Wind-
In my hair-
Shifting and drifting-
Mechanical music-
Adrenaline surge…

Well-weathered leather,
Hot metal and oil,
The scented country air.
Sunlight on chrome,
The blur of the landscape,
Every nerve aware.

Suddenly ahead of me,
Across the mountainside,
A gleaming alloy air-car
Shoots towards me, two lanes wide.
I spin around with shrieking tires,
To run the deadly race,
Go screaming through the valley
As another joins the chase.

Drive like the wind,
Straining the limits of machine and man.
Laughing out loud
With fear and hope, I’ve got a desperate plan.
At the one-lane bridge
I leave the giants stranded at the riverside.
Race back to the farm, to dream with my uncle at the fireside

-Red Barchetta

I have remembered who I was and who I wish to be. That allows to me know who I am

And that provides a sort of peace

I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have deleted my old tumblr. Awestruck wonder, it has been reborn. It was in some parts filth, but there were precious stones in the muck, to me at least, works of writing that reflected my inner hopes and dreams and fears and pains and joy and sorrow, those were beautiful to me, in the purest sense of the word. Do you accuse me of arrogance? I have nothing to say to you

I saved them on my computer in a barely readable format. I may start to salvage the remains and post some of them again.

I’ll post them for myself. I guess I have a hope that some day someone out there will find me and find interesting what I find interesting and find beautiful what I find beautiful. Until then I will write for an audience of no one else

We are secrets to each other
Each one’s life a novel
No-one else has read.
Even joined in bonds of love,
We’re linked to one another
By such slender threads.

We are planets to each other,
Drifting in our orbits
To a brief eclipse.
Each of us a world apart,
Alone and yet together,
Like two passing ships.

Just between us,
I think it’s time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show.
Just between us,
I think it’s time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room for you and I to grow.

We are strangers to each other,
Full of sliding panels,
An illusion show.
Acting well-rehearsed routines
Or playing from the heart?
It’s hard for one to know.

Just between us,
I think it’s time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show.
Just between us,
I think it’s time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room for you and I to grow.

We are islands to each other,
Building hopeful bridges
On a troubled sea.
Some are burned or swept away,
Some we would not choose,
But we’re not always free.

Just between us,
I think it’s time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show.
Just between us,
I think it’s time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room for you and I to grow.

-Entre Nous

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I got a 104/100 on my Differential Equations exam! :D I was one of four students to understand the seemingly difficult 5 point bonus. I’m so stoked right now, I haven’t bossed a math exam like that in a long time. This feels really good, I think I’ll study a bit more often because that was a lot of fun.

Despite occasionally falling behind, this semester is going really well. I’m pulling off grades nicely, with a bit uncertainty in a couple classes, particularly GEMS104 where my teacher really doesn’t like me for some reason, which just means I need to work hard to show her I can still grab an A. Everything is easier when my head is screwed on straight hahaha

I stand accused I’m beaten used and tired
They took all my words and threw them in the fire
As they cast me down there’s somethin’ found within me
They can grind me dust but life is just beginning

There is a truth that I’m feeling; love full of healing
Somewhere I’ve never known
As I surrender completely; pure and it’s easy
Like I’m already home
I’m already home

Take me away I want to stay by the water
If I pass on won’t you tell my sons and daughters
When I am gone you all must go on believing
Lay down your life ‘cause love is what gives it meaning

There is a truth that I’m feeling; love full of healing
Somewhere I’ve never known
As I surrender completely; pure and it’s easy
Like I’m already home
There is place full of knowing; like it was snowing
Waking me up at last
And as the pages keep turning; yielding and yearning
Washing away the past
You can know
You can know the truth
He has come
He has come for you

There is a truth that I’m feeling; love full of healing
Somewhere I’ve never known (Already Home)
As I surrender completely; pure and it’s easy
Like I’m already home (I’m already home)
There’s a place full of knowing; like it was snowing
Waking me up at last (Already Home)
And as the pages keep turning; yielding and yearning
Washing away the past (I’m already home)

Oh God
I seek the glory that’s from you and from you only
Oh God
I seek the glory that’s from you
I’m already home

-The Conflict: Already Home

I love home

I also need lyrical inspiration but not a muse hahaha

I love seeing these juniors and seniors hanging out and driving anywhere with their new licenses. Makes me happy. Reminds me of the past.

It’s strange how I can call it the past now, only months ago it was basically yesterday. Now I’m a year or two out of that age.

Part of me wants to grow up and leave this foolish age filled with foolish minds, but another part of me wants to re-live those days. Did you cringe in embarrassment at what you may view as arrogance on my part? Hahahaha, and I even managed to incorporate lyrics into that too. How do you view what I say? Isn’t that interesting and amusing. Depends on who’s listening. I love when they laugh along too.

Regardless, I’m not that far gone, these still can be the glory days. As long as fantastic memories are made, the day is glorious. Is that a common theme, memories? It just might be.

I’m starting to enjoy tumblr because I can collect my thoughts here, and I find them interesting when no one else does. It’s also great being able to find high quality photos of guitars and guns, and remember which songs stuck me as intriguing at one point.

Despite the paradigm shift, I see children. Childishness not innocence.

As much as I enjoyed the land of beginning again, enough is enough

I need to throw away a certain key for now, hence this writing

I need some sort of outlet for my thoughts, the resulting enigmas are evidence of the shift in medium, this one doesn’t breathe or interrupt hahaha

Oh I know, how reliable, how dependable can I be when there is cement involved, or drops of eve

But maybe that’s another way of saying what I want to say in this sort of a day

Hahaha
But what’s the point of cleverness if there’s no one to share it with?

And don’t even I know the worth of cheezit pacts, it’s great while it lasts but it changes and isn’t too swell anymore, but it’s certainly different hahahaha.

I’m actually on a roll tonight but no one else will find it funny

A summer day In garlands I feel secure A useless faith That I will get you, somehow I wonder where you are now

Hey there’s you With placid eyes Oblivious to what’s to come They locked you up So I forgot you, forgot you name, so strange I wonder if you got out

-Great Expectations